Saturday, October 29, 2016

How Did I Get To This Point?

How did I get to this point?

Mental delusions that come to lustful conclusions.
Desiring to drink from my own well,
but physically impotent regardless of the medicine I've been using.

Somewhere along the line, I got lost.
Mentally tossed from this to that.
At one time my walk with the Lord was so strong...
Now, I don't know how to get back.
On track.

Imagine that.

Demons no longer pursue me.
They found me...
wishing to ground me...
For no reason at all I find my heart pounding.
Fear is compounding... and my strength...
is fleeting.  It's beginning to be reminiscent of the wind...
Something that I feel, but unable to grab.
Leaving me in this weak state that I'm in.

Tell me...

How did I get to this point?

I hear the chuckles and giggles of old friends and passerby's.
Lovers that once adorned me, ignore me,
and at home, where it should get  better, I'm fed lies.
Another part of my heart, no, my soul dies.
For I cater to her needs, add to her things that she may flaunt.
Yet, none of it matters because I can't deliver her wants.
Having me question my manhood.
I'm telling you, it isn't all good.

How did I get to this point?

I know.

I've allowed the illusion to become my reality.
The distractions captured my attention.
My journey almost a forgotten mission.
The clanging of the world over-ride my Guide,
making it difficult for me to listen.
My soul being fed garbage,
my spirit malnourished,
and brain to focused on the physical,
and in this battle,
spiritually inefficient.

So, in this weak state...
being this broken man...
being this lost soul,
and almost believing the lie that I'm doomed to be damned.
I cry out unto the Lord;
for it is He that remains constant.
Only I am in disarray.  I surrender all that I am...
                    or thought that I ever was.
To be nestled in His bosom,
lead by His hand,
encompassed with His purpose,
spiritually fed through His wisdom,
with the understanding that I, by His grace,
through all things... can stand.
Especially when empowered by the true...  I AM.

And this is how I will move on from this point.


Thursday, October 6, 2016


I'm at a age where the magic of the world is beginning to disappear.
Where love is dwindling and faith in people...
Well, let's just say it doesn't live in here.
In here, being my being...
My mind, soul.
It's quite honest to say that my spirit is focused elsewhere.
The wonderings on and what could possibly make me whole.
My purpose if you will.
My creators perfect design of life and in it where I fit.
And if... this existence that I contain is all that I'm left to live.

In my youth, hope and the possibilities of the life to come
kept me motivated, invigorated, and in anticipation.
However, those days are long gone.
Life has showed me my mistakes
and no matter how much time has passed...
from certain things, life refuses to let me move on.

Still, as dreadful as my life has become...
Uneventful and boring.
I find peace in knowing that all of this...
regardless of all of that...
will one day be done.