Hello.

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Inglorious.
Inept.
     A prelude to protrude out of the depths of ones' heart.
How the illusive elude with around the bush conversations,
masking seductive persuasions and mental manipulations... derived
and perceived , simply to achieve malice and ill-intent, in that deep
dark cavern in your inner being, that place where a heart should have
been.
          The goodness of a heart.
          The kindness of a spirit.
          The pureness of a soul.
          But, none of that is in you.  You remain cold.
I've tasted your bitter fruit.
Indulged in your poisonous elixir.
Became a believer in your web of lies.
You are the mother of betrayal.
Sister... to the broken.  Loyalty is as foreign to you as trust.
You devour the confident... poisoned with your lust.
Your tongue is more than an two edged sword; for,
with it you deliver pain, pleasure, and sorrow.
And God help anyone who believes your word...heard or written,
flirtatious or smitten.
You are a fleshly quicksand where the good slip in, get stuck, and drown in sin.
Demons are attracted to you like flies to shit.
Everyone you touch becomes infected in one form or another with a demonic spirit.
You are the devils spit.
Bitch!!!


~Flowriter!

Revelation revealed.

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Relentless spirits constantly attacking my mind...
trying to find if my will will sustain or if there's a weakness
that they can reveal in order to instill a tightly woven sin to confine.
One, unlike the others prior, more difficult to unwind.
So, I tread lightly.
I fast to increase my strength.
I censor my doings and viewings...
praying that my days will grow in length.
However, my human-ness... male-ness... weakness...
reveals itself and they attack...
And back in my muck of sin, I find myself in...
and this time, much worse than the beginning.
Ashamed, I withdraw to myself.
Dear Lord help me get back on track.
Heard with a devilish grin, it's too late for that.
And it's in this weakness, in this low state of being and mind...
I call and submit unto the Lord, praying that guidance, strength, and mercy I'll find.
For on my own, I realize it can't be done.
As close as I may get... it's only close, but with Jesus... Yashua...
it can be won... and done.


~Flowriter

BLOOD

Rubies drip.
So precious, like diamonds & coal.
Streams & rivers of heat
Glistening, shining, burning from the soul
Emitting flames into the sky
Like burning black gold.

Taken for granted by many.
So desperately needed by few
Pierced, mined for, sought after
Oceans of souls nectar.
Wading through the water with a pan
Hoping for a match, the perfect nugget for two.

Easily transfused.
Used.
Abused.
Misused.
Diluted and polluted.

Our precious resource depleted.

Earths' blood.

~Flowriter

'Tween

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Tis a way to explain...
the life I gain... and the existence I've been left to explore.
Until that glorious day when only peace remains...
or should I say... I exist no more.

'Tween...

Heaven and hell.
Spirit and flesh.
Good and evil.
Wealth and impoverished.

Make sense of the ineffable.
Life lived to dream.
Only to realize the knowledge I've gained...
taught me... I know nothing.

Grasping for truth...
only to hold on to lies.
Searching for love,
but taught to despise.

A mere gander at the world shows that I am not alone.
Many are oblivious... or...
simply refuse to acknowledge what life has shown.
By examples of extreme.

'Tween...

Foolish and wise.
Mortals and God.
Powerful and weak.
Easy and hard.

Puppets on strings...
Living lives that are a façade.
Meaningless goals set by humans...
When the true game is between the devil and God.

For...
You and I.

Yet, we dare not expand our minds.
Instead we waste our time...
Acquiring things, believing that they, or a person,
will bring meaning to life.

When the true meaning of life is... the journey.
The paths and the choices,
the existence...

'tween.

~Flowriter

Are You there?

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Passionate cries internally and outloud.
Humbly moving, doing, working...
repressing anger, doing my best to not act out.


Festering, pestering emotions neglectfully leak out.
Spilling forth a rawness, a brashness, a straight-forwardness...
Basically, becoming an asshole to all who come around.

You see,

I've been mentally wore down.

Down on my knees,
forehead on the ground,
tears strolling down my face,
I make my petition to the Almighty
Hoping that a slither of a blessing,
a drop of financial relief,
an inkling of prosperity
could enter my life.
Becoming the grace that he bestows me, increasing my belief.

However, that doesn't seem to be the case.
Debt.
Struggle.
Ridicule.
And disrespect...
seem to be the attributes that He's tied around my waist.

At times I wonder...

Do you care?
Did you hear my prayer?
Is this my lot in life?
Hardship, struggle, and strife.

It's all unknown.
I have so many questions.
I try to keep the faith.
But it's hard when an all powerful, all knowing God...
see's what you are going through...
And all of His answers to your prayers are either"No" or "Wait."



~Flowriter.

Space

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Carnal, times have been rough.
My mind constantly replays stuff.
I miss the days of old,
when I would feel like this, I would
jump a fence or two and come see you.
You'd be like "fuck that shit! Let's go find something to get into".
Now age comes into play.
Your house is thousand of miles away.
It would be a lie if I said that I was cool.
I miss our youth, now I'm called,
"Old school".
Young folks don't have no respect.
Because I'm afraid of the consequences,
the laws have me in check.
Making me keep my hands off of these young folks
and my shank out of they neck.
I never thought that DCash would be in check.
S3P perplexed.
19,16 steps
1 to the 3 heavy reps.
Blood in my body flowing,
causing pulsating veins in my neck.
Right side soldiers wearing skinny jeans
got me ready to disconnect.
Revitalize old folks,
back on the set...
and do what we do best...
cleanse the streets of the busters
and chillout like vets.

But times have changed.
Cell phones, cameras... shit, the fucking internet!
Things just aren't the same.
No such thing as loyalty
Pride or respect.
Can't treat women like queens,
they'd rather have a dude with feminine ways
wearing skinny jeans.

Brother, we are the last of a dying breed.

I'm trying to not let it get to me.
I don't want to catch a case, man.

We've come a long way from old days in the South Bay
of DCash and Spaceman.



~Flowriter

Hills and Valleys

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I bought into the illusion whole-heartedly.
Strange how the thought...no, the scent... better yet, the glimpse..
of hope has kept me afloat.
The days turn into nights,
the nights grow into weeks,
the weeks expand into months...
Low and behold, look at the years.

Hills and valleys
Smiles and tears.

Heart-aches and struggles back then.
Heart-aches and struggles still here.

Hills and valleys.
Hills and valleys.
Less smiles, more tears.

Omniscient, omnipotent, most benevolent & gracious
omnipresent, and dare I say, true loving God...
Am I too little?  Too insignificant?  Too warm?
Or just bound to a life of struggling hard?

Love shouldn't be this difficult.
Life shouldn't be so complex.
The truth shouldn't be so unattainable.

(My life) Walk in the valley of the light and struggle the hills.
(The Wicked) While in the dark on level ground the wicked move and become blessed.
This reality of life has me stressed and the recurrence of this truth gives me chills.

Hills and valleys, I tell you.
umph...
Valleys and hills.


~Flowriter.

Free will. I freely will.

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Free will, a precious gift given.
Free to believe the hype.
Free to follow the masses.
Free to close your mind.
Free to wander around blind.

Or...

Free to see with clarity.

Blind,  I've followed.
Blind, I've read.
Blind, I've believed.
Blind, I became one of the walking dead.

However,

Now my third eye has been opened.
Time to enhance my mind.
Time to prepare my spirit.
Time to ready my body.
Time to speak life over my life.
Ensure that my soul can hear it.

~Flowriter

Okay...

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Let me speak plainly to insure that I am fully understood.
I've noticed that my words and/or actions (at times lack of words/actions)
has been misinterpreted.  Thenceforth, I find myself having to explain myself.

First off, in my youth and even to this day, I have made sacrifices and decisions that go unnoticed, unappreciated, and even twisted to be made as something that it wasn't.  To those who implore those tactics, more power to you.  For I will not, nor attempt to defend myself.  I know that God truly knows my heart.

Now when those hard decisions and choices were being made to my own determent and to the benefit of others, I did not complain nor throw it into to the faces of the benefactors.  I just kept pushing on and attempted and still attempt to be the best Man that I could be.

In my own admission, I walked away from many seeing that the disrespect and coldness towards me had grown.  Instead of defending myself or fighting for what I knew to be my truth, I allowed the talebearers' falsehoods to appear as truth.  This, through the years, allowed hurt, broken relationships, disrespect, and distance to fester and grow.

I clearly see the pain that is felt.  I even understand the loss that is attributed.  However, I also notice that no one has taken the time to come to me and ask me about my truth. Therefore, I believe that conclusions have already been made.  Instead of spending ample time explaining all the situations that came to this instance, I choose to move forward and live my life.  They can believe what they will and live how they like.

Again, I say,

Only God truly knows my heart.

So, paint me as vile person and others as saints...
See only the negative, nothing positive done...
only the "he ain'ts".
"he doesn't", "he won't", "he doesn't ever come".
Explain others faults as me being the one to blame.
But know this, not once did I ever run.
I would speak my peace, (While being called out of my name)
I would tell my truth. (And still, the lies wouldn't change)
I would make the hard and difficult choices... (So others wouldn't have to)
even if that meant that I wasn't able to do what I wanted to do.
Nor have what I wanted to have.

And regardless of all this...
being easily replaced,
constantly disgraced,
and disrespected to an extreme.

I still love.
I still care.
I'm just going to do my own thing.


~Flowriter

I'm wiser

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They say that it's the ones closest to you that can hurt you the most.
Well, I believe that those are the same ones that can bring out the worst in you.
However, I've been keeping my inner rage in check, but believe me it's been
begging to come out.
Especially when my character, my veracity, and manhood is challenged.
Being the man of extremes that I am, I can not afford to just haphazardly react.
Every reaction must be a well thought out move.
For, I know, that the consequences are great.
I guess wisdom does come with age.



~Flowriter

This I Must Say

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All and all it's been a good life.
Ain't had all the money
Or a bunch of shiny things,
but been blessed with a loving family
And a damn good wife.

Hardships, had more than a few.
But the good times, let me tell you...
They sure did pull me through.

The Lord always provided my needs.
Even raised me up strong...
I was the one that did all the wrong.
That I truly believes
And I learned from my bruises.
This I knew, it's never too late to get down on my knees...
And He'd pick me back up...
And I... my pen... and my soul bleeds.

Prayerfully, encouraging you
and a select mindful few.
Coherent and observant enough to enjoy the beauty of life.
Not the distractions of the carnal world,
but the natural world, like the sun rise and set, and the morning dew.

Living can't be bought,
but it sure can be enjoyed.
Don't spend your life chasing that which will rust and disappear.
Enjoy your family... kiss and love on them.  Cherish them.
Hold them near and dear.

Live a life creating memories,
stories for the future to hold.
Live a life giving love.
Success is just a marker along the journey.
It's family taking care of family,
no matter what...
That's the goal.

So,

I tilled my field,
planted my seed,
the harvest was and is plenty.
And my belly is full, my family is kept...
Job well done my son?
May the good Lord say, "yep".


~Flowriter

Growing tired

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Same games,
same silences,
same unfulfilled hopes,
same unanswered prayers,
and same unmanifested dreams.

~Flowriter

Time

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Realizing that time is an elusive foe.
Unable to grasp it, bribe it, or for the loss of better words, persuade it.
I found myself seeking a higher power.
The one who created it, time that is.
Asking Him to help me in this time controlled world.
Only to find that my requests were going unanswered.
Leaving me to the wiles of time,
only to grant me pain, sorrow, a plethora of regrets, and calling them wisdom...
better known as age.
Struggling in areas that before I did with ease.
Cautious of movements, because I am consequence aware, that...
at times, no movements are made.
Given the vision of seer, but not of mystical intent.
Just the beauty of age that allows empathetic conclusions.
No longer does the magic of hope hold its luster.
For it only delivers the dependable disappointment aftertaste of dreams long lost...
and plans unable to be achieved.
Distractions are all I have to look forward to.
For when the cataracts has been removed from my eyes...
and I'm able to regain focus, it is them, the distractions, that always remain true.
More powerful than my will,
more clearer than my vision,
more pleasurable than my touch,
more alive than my life...
And although imagined, never manifested...
they always manage to keep me right where I wish to grow from.
All the meanwhile time continues.
More age is gained.
If it isn't, death is granted, and a unfulfilled life is achieved.
Time, what a terrible enemy.

Enemy... Strange word.
En e me.
Inner me.
In my head, not real to touch. Something that I relinquished my strength to,
making it more powerful than it is.  Weakening my spirit, corrupting my soul,
making me less than what I was designed to be, because I relinquished my control.

And still, the great God, who created all that is and ever was.
The knower of the beginning from and to the end.
Knew this struggle that I am in and He allows it to be.
Knew of the financial battles that I would and do face...
and, at least in my limited sight, victory seems afar.

Patience, I tell myself.
Endure, I remind myself.
It's only for a short time, I say.
Soon, it will all turn around.
Then, time takes all that away.

Time, what a great and formidable foe.




~Flowriter

How Did I Get To This Point?

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How did I get to this point?

Mental delusions that come to lustful conclusions.
Desiring to drink from my own well,
but physically impotent regardless of the medicine I've been using.

Somewhere along the line, I got lost.
Mentally tossed from this to that.
At one time my walk with the Lord was so strong...
Now, I don't know how to get back.
On track.

Imagine that.

Demons no longer pursue me.
They found me...
wishing to ground me...
For no reason at all I find my heart pounding.
Fear is compounding... and my strength...
is fleeting.  It's beginning to be reminiscent of the wind...
Something that I feel, but unable to grab.
Leaving me in this weak state that I'm in.

Tell me...

How did I get to this point?

I hear the chuckles and giggles of old friends and passerby's.
Lovers that once adorned me, ignore me,
and at home, where it should get  better, I'm fed lies.
Another part of my heart, no, my soul dies.
For I cater to her needs, add to her things that she may flaunt.
Yet, none of it matters because I can't deliver her wants.
Having me question my manhood.
I'm telling you, it isn't all good.

How did I get to this point?

I know.

I've allowed the illusion to become my reality.
The distractions captured my attention.
My journey almost a forgotten mission.
The clanging of the world over-ride my Guide,
making it difficult for me to listen.
My soul being fed garbage,
my spirit malnourished,
and brain to focused on the physical,
and in this battle,
spiritually inefficient.

So, in this weak state...
being this broken man...
being this lost soul,
and almost believing the lie that I'm doomed to be damned.
I cry out unto the Lord;
for it is He that remains constant.
Only I am in disarray.  I surrender all that I am...
                    or thought that I ever was.
To be nestled in His bosom,
lead by His hand,
encompassed with His purpose,
spiritually fed through His wisdom,
with the understanding that I, by His grace,
through all things... can stand.
Especially when empowered by the true...  I AM.

And this is how I will move on from this point.


~Flowriter

Forward

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I'm at a age where the magic of the world is beginning to disappear.
Where love is dwindling and faith in people...
Well, let's just say it doesn't live in here.
In here, being my being...
My mind, soul.
It's quite honest to say that my spirit is focused elsewhere.
The wonderings on and what could possibly make me whole.
My purpose if you will.
My creators perfect design of life and in it where I fit.
And if... this existence that I contain is all that I'm left to live.

In my youth, hope and the possibilities of the life to come
kept me motivated, invigorated, and in anticipation.
However, those days are long gone.
Life has showed me my mistakes
and no matter how much time has passed...
from certain things, life refuses to let me move on.

Still, as dreadful as my life has become...
Uneventful and boring.
I find peace in knowing that all of this...
regardless of all of that...
will one day be done.


~Flowriter

Used

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Trust...
Truth...
Seldom known
Often misconstrued.
Hard to believe that the ones closest to you...
that these are the tactics they use to abuse.

Reality is... that you (I) don't mean much.
That desire for closeness, family.
Is the illusion that we desire, but has us out of touch.
For, my presence...essence...
is only used to get through.
It's my past that's remembered, embittered,
and held on to.

In an effort to enhance the illusion...
Changes are made,
plans are laid, and
sacrifices by the dozens.
Only in the end to realize we've been played.
Which was their plan from the beginning...
even when they said it wasn't.

Truth...

The years that has passed...
The experiences that went unshared...
The moments that I was cried for...
wished for...
and was never there.
I wish to rekindle...
I pray to embrace...
I long to relive.
Yet, it's only regret...
day after day that I face.

Trust...

Time has continued.
And individuals have grown.
I have aged, and yet,
my mistakes live on.
Feelings have changed
love for me has dwindled to a drip.
While my replacements, love for them,
like a raging river, love flows on.
And still, my illusion won't let me quit.

You see,
It's all that I have to hold on to.
The dream, the desire, the wish...
to be closer than what I am,
to be truly loved for who I've become,
and not who I was.
To be seen for the man that I am,
and to believe that that is more desirable
than achieving retribution, revenge on
the boy that I was.

That is where my hope lies
and my truth lives.

Truth...
Trust.



~Flowriter

Something to Ponder

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If I was to tell you that evil doesn't exist,
would you believe me?
Or would you ponder on the happenings in the world.
Then come to the conclusion that I was lying?

Hmmmmm...

Both are true.
Evil doesn't exist,
but is manifested by the choices that are made.
Demons are powerless
and can not exist in a pure soul.
But those who CHOOSE to give in to sinful nature
welcome evil and empower demons to dwell within.

This is how evil is manifested in the world.

Nothing is by happenstance.
The Bible calls it testing.
In nomenclature of today
it is giving in to your unmoral, fleshly desires.
This plants a seed... that grows like a weed.
Spreading to every part of your mental, physical and spiritual body.
Pulling your strings,
creating a mental screen...
that will invade your mind, heart, soul and dreams.
Until it becomes your actions.

Voila, evil exist.



~Flowriter

My Lord

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Almighty creator, my most benevolent God.
My heart, mind, body, and soul cry out to thee.
Have mercy on me.
Precious are your precepts,
they are my most valuable guide.
Yet, this world... my Lord
has your child severely tried.
My up has become down,
My aspirations have become unfound,
And my spirit is beginning to sullenly drown.

Help me my Lord.

Dreams seem unattainable,
a way out... unfathomable.
So, my hopes and dreams I place at your feet.
Only you can replenish my soul
With your manna of heavenly meat.
And this ache in my heart...
And this loneliness I feel...
Only you are able to heal and complete.

Touch me my Lord.

I await for your unmerited favor,
And for my blessings to pour down and pool.
And for the day to come that I'll savor...
when You make my enemies my footstool.
For the lies and secrets told in the dark,
to be exposed in the light.
For the emptiness I contain inside...
to be filled with your essence,
therefore enabling my spirit to shine bright.

I need you my Lord.

To reveal my purpose,
then give me the strength and courage to move in it.
To enhance my confidence and endurance,
So that my race, I can successfully finish.
To streamline my focus,
So the distractions of this world, I no longer see.
To impart upon me knowledge and wisdom,
So that I, not only will be Your man...
I will be a man that can lead.

Breathe on me Lord.

Unhinge me from my past
that this world constantly reminds me of and shadows me all day.
Free me from the ridicule of what was,
and bathe me in the new man that you created me to be.
Basically,
I need more of you Lord...
and less of me.

In Jesus' name,

Amen.



~Flowriter

Flows just poet This

(Try this one forward and backwards, top to bottom. Then upside down, bottom to top forwards and backwards. )

Poets.
Come.
Shining Through
Embers bright, dark of Night
Light compelled, as well Misconstrued
Enhanced poetically, this witches Brew
Dance spiritually, artist of spoken words Chant
Back-ground, drums are lulling, fire around Circling,
Back down stamped hands, heads moving forward and back Jerking.
Hurting, the mind, while fingers still ...Snap
See I, is it working? Think so, Black.
Flow I Think?
Flows just poet This...
This as Just.
Spirit Creative.
Free.

~Flowriter

Hey

Any comments? I would love to hear from you. :-)