Now I lay me down to sleep

.
.
.
Morbidly dark the heart begins to spark
Providing the brain with the nutrients to sustain
the pain of memory.

Making me lost in what was.
Having me hoping for what can be.
Plaguing my mind in the what ifs mystery.

Steps taken are so cautiously made
Decisions overwhelm, therefore stagnant, I became.
Or should I say become?
For movement forward doesn't happen.
Because it is to the past that I run.

To and from.

Attempting to save my life.
Only to lose my soul.
Wanting to share my essence.
Completing my personage, making me whole.
An unattainable goal.

When there is no trust.
When I'm lacking faith.
Asking God for guidance,
only for me to stray.

The battlefield is truly in my mind.

Yet, evil does lurk.
Watching and waiting for the right time to pounce.
All residents of righteousness, they attempt to remove
from my bodily house.
Dark spirits corrupting my thoughts
Having me question myself
Filling my mind with doubt.
Telling me to "kill yourself"
As if there is no other way out.

But that... I know is a lie.

Hope keeps me alive.
Waiting for His promises to manifest.
Day by day I strive.
Thinking this is the day I will encounter the Lord's best.
Only to experience another failed test.

Not by Him, but by me.

For I follow the flesh
When it should be the spirit leading me.
I've embraced the world
comparing myself to its success stories.

Which, at times, can be God's failures.

My due diligence is gone.
Making it difficult to purposely perform.
My focus is wrong.
Too much time spent straying and alone.
I remember...
I knew who I was when I made His Word my home.

Time to return to the basics.

I pray to the Lord my soul to keep.

~Flowriter