Tuesday, April 22, 2014


Tender heart...where do I start?
Where you began? San Diego, in a west coast land?
Georgia? Where you became betrayed and corrupt?
Pace? Where you were revitalized?
Or is it that you are still deep in my soul and I've given up?

At times, I can hear you call, giving my body chills.
Like a cold breeze travelling through the North Carolina foot hills.
I reminisce on what was, gaze fixated as if staring at a still...

of you in your youth.
of you in your prime.
of you at your peak.

Even the thought of mentioning your name, renders me weak.
Therefore, your name I dare not speak.
I simply call you... tender heart.

Your presence and your absence are both scary.
I recall toiling with the notion of marriage,
a marriage of bliss, a marriage of endless romantic interludes...
not a marriage of this... emptiness.
Marry nothingness,
Marry bitterness,
Marry loneliness,
Marry??? No one for Chris.

Tender heart, where have you gone?
I had loved the way your tender beating would echo in the depths of my soul.
Warming my spirit, that is until the beating mellowed.
Only to be replaced by a screeching of doubt, insecurity ran amuck, and the love...
possibly ran out.

Then again, has it really?
For; I still search and yearn for you.


Tuesday, April 8, 2014

One More Step

Exposed, no longer clothed...
in the unrighteousness of sin.
Left bare, there's a chill in the air...
as my walk with the Lord begins.
Friends, family, associates unaware...
of the change that has taken place.
Not knowing where this journey will end...
each step is a step taken in faith.
Stumbles occur, mountains are high, and in the valleys...tears are sown.
Future is unknown, but... I can't go back to the life that I've known.
I've come too far to turn back. I've grown.
Like sperm trying to return to the nutsack, or...
a baby asking for its umbilical cord back
Regression is not an option.
Although too often...it's attempted by many.

Every move,thought, and action now is preceded by prayer.
Still far from perfect, but His Holy Spirit is there.
Guiding, leading, whispering in my ear.
When I adhere to His commands, I move in boldness.
When I don't...fleshly desires, sin transpires, and I give birth to fear.
The adversary appears.
Corrupting my mind, implanting insecurity and doubt.
Crushing my spirit with depression...
trying to make me check out.
Yet, something inside doesn't allow me to give in.
Though I stumble, I do not crumble...
Enabled by His Grace and Mercy, that battle I win
Newly clothed in His righteousness, picked up by His love...
I take another step in my journey, this time stronger, I begin.