Tuesday, February 21, 2017

This I Must Say

All and all it's been a good life.
Ain't had all the money
Or a bunch of shiny things,
but been blessed with a loving family
And a damn good wife.

Hardships, had more than a few.
But the good times, let me tell you...
They sure did pull me through.

The Lord always provided my needs.
Even raised me up strong...
I was the one that did all the wrong.
That I truly believes
And I learned from my bruises.
This I knew, it's never too late to get down on my knees...
And He'd pick me back up...
And I... my pen... and my soul bleeds.

Prayerfully, encouraging you
and a select mindful few.
Coherent and observant enough to enjoy the beauty of life.
Not the distractions of the carnal world,
but the natural world, like the sun rise and set, and the morning dew.

Living can't be bought,
but it sure can be enjoyed.
Don't spend your life chasing that which will rust and disappear.
Enjoy your family... kiss and love on them.  Cherish them.
Hold them near and dear.

Live a life creating memories,
stories for the future to hold.
Live a life giving love.
Success is just a marker along the journey.
It's family taking care of family,
no matter what...
That's the goal.


I tilled my field,
planted my seed,
the harvest was and is plenty.
And my belly is full, my family is kept...
Job well done my son?
May the good Lord say, "yep".


Monday, January 16, 2017

Growing tired

Same games,
same silences,
same unfulfilled hopes,
same unanswered prayers,
and same unmanifested dreams.


Monday, December 26, 2016


Realizing that time is an elusive foe.
Unable to grasp it, bribe it, or for the loss of better words, persuade it.
I found myself seeking a higher power.
The one who created it, time that is.
Asking Him to help me in this time controlled world.
Only to find that my requests were going unanswered.
Leaving me to the wiles of time,
only to grant me pain, sorrow, a plethora of regrets, and calling them wisdom...
better known as age.
Struggling in areas that before I did with ease.
Cautious of movements, because I am consequence aware, that...
at times, no movements are made.
Given the vision of seer, but not of mystical intent.
Just the beauty of age that allows empathetic conclusions.
No longer does the magic of hope hold its luster.
For it only delivers the dependable disappointment aftertaste of dreams long lost...
and plans unable to be achieved.
Distractions are all I have to look forward to.
For when the cataracts has been removed from my eyes...
and I'm able to regain focus, it is them, the distractions, that always remain true.
More powerful than my will,
more clearer than my vision,
more pleasurable than my touch,
more alive than my life...
And although imagined, never manifested...
they always manage to keep me right where I wish to grow from.
All the meanwhile time continues.
More age is gained.
If it isn't, death is granted, and a unfulfilled life is achieved.
Time, what a terrible enemy.

Enemy... Strange word.
En e me.
Inner me.
In my head, not real to touch. Something that I relinquished my strength to,
making it more powerful than it is.  Weakening my spirit, corrupting my soul,
making me less than what I was designed to be, because I relinquished my control.

And still, the great God, who created all that is and ever was.
The knower of the beginning from and to the end.
Knew this struggle that I am in and He allows it to be.
Knew of the financial battles that I would and do face...
and, at least in my limited sight, victory seems afar.

Patience, I tell myself.
Endure, I remind myself.
It's only for a short time, I say.
Soon, it will all turn around.
Then, time takes all that away.

Time, what a great and formidable foe.


Saturday, October 29, 2016

How Did I Get To This Point?

How did I get to this point?

Mental delusions that come to lustful conclusions.
Desiring to drink from my own well,
but physically impotent regardless of the medicine I've been using.

Somewhere along the line, I got lost.
Mentally tossed from this to that.
At one time my walk with the Lord was so strong...
Now, I don't know how to get back.
On track.

Imagine that.

Demons no longer pursue me.
They found me...
wishing to ground me...
For no reason at all I find my heart pounding.
Fear is compounding... and my strength...
is fleeting.  It's beginning to be reminiscent of the wind...
Something that I feel, but unable to grab.
Leaving me in this weak state that I'm in.

Tell me...

How did I get to this point?

I hear the chuckles and giggles of old friends and passerby's.
Lovers that once adorned me, ignore me,
and at home, where it should get  better, I'm fed lies.
Another part of my heart, no, my soul dies.
For I cater to her needs, add to her things that she may flaunt.
Yet, none of it matters because I can't deliver her wants.
Having me question my manhood.
I'm telling you, it isn't all good.

How did I get to this point?

I know.

I've allowed the illusion to become my reality.
The distractions captured my attention.
My journey almost a forgotten mission.
The clanging of the world over-ride my Guide,
making it difficult for me to listen.
My soul being fed garbage,
my spirit malnourished,
and brain to focused on the physical,
and in this battle,
spiritually inefficient.

So, in this weak state...
being this broken man...
being this lost soul,
and almost believing the lie that I'm doomed to be damned.
I cry out unto the Lord;
for it is He that remains constant.
Only I am in disarray.  I surrender all that I am...
                    or thought that I ever was.
To be nestled in His bosom,
lead by His hand,
encompassed with His purpose,
spiritually fed through His wisdom,
with the understanding that I, by His grace,
through all things... can stand.
Especially when empowered by the true...  I AM.

And this is how I will move on from this point.


Thursday, October 6, 2016


I'm at a age where the magic of the world is beginning to disappear.
Where love is dwindling and faith in people...
Well, let's just say it doesn't live in here.
In here, being my being...
My mind, soul.
It's quite honest to say that my spirit is focused elsewhere.
The wonderings on and what could possibly make me whole.
My purpose if you will.
My creators perfect design of life and in it where I fit.
And if... this existence that I contain is all that I'm left to live.

In my youth, hope and the possibilities of the life to come
kept me motivated, invigorated, and in anticipation.
However, those days are long gone.
Life has showed me my mistakes
and no matter how much time has passed...
from certain things, life refuses to let me move on.

Still, as dreadful as my life has become...
Uneventful and boring.
I find peace in knowing that all of this...
regardless of all of that...
will one day be done.


Monday, September 26, 2016


Seldom known
Often misconstrued.
Hard to believe that the ones closest to you...
that these are the tactics they use to abuse.

Reality is... that you (I) don't mean much.
That desire for closeness, family.
Is the illusion that we desire, but has us out of touch.
For, my presence...essence...
is only used to get through.
It's my past that's remembered, embittered,
and held on to.

In an effort to enhance the illusion...
Changes are made,
plans are laid, and
sacrifices by the dozens.
Only in the end to realize we've been played.
Which was their plan from the beginning...
even when they said it wasn't.


The years that has passed...
The experiences that went unshared...
The moments that I was cried for...
wished for...
and was never there.
I wish to rekindle...
I pray to embrace...
I long to relive.
Yet, it's only regret...
day after day that I face.


Time has continued.
And individuals have grown.
I have aged, and yet,
my mistakes live on.
Feelings have changed
love for me has dwindled to a drip.
While my replacements, love for them,
like a raging river, love flows on.
And still, my illusion won't let me quit.

You see,
It's all that I have to hold on to.
The dream, the desire, the wish...
to be closer than what I am,
to be truly loved for who I've become,
and not who I was.
To be seen for the man that I am,
and to believe that that is more desirable
than achieving retribution, revenge on
the boy that I was.

That is where my hope lies
and my truth lives.



Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Something to Ponder

If I was to tell you that evil doesn't exist,
would you believe me?
Or would you ponder on the happenings in the world.
Then come to the conclusion that I was lying?


Both are true.
Evil doesn't exist,
but is manifested by the choices that are made.
Demons are powerless
and can not exist in a pure soul.
But those who CHOOSE to give in to sinful nature
welcome evil and empower demons to dwell within.

This is how evil is manifested in the world.

Nothing is by happenstance.
The Bible calls it testing.
In nomenclature of today
it is giving in to your unmoral, fleshly desires.
This plants a seed... that grows like a weed.
Spreading to every part of your mental, physical and spiritual body.
Pulling your strings,
creating a mental screen...
that will invade your mind, heart, soul and dreams.
Until it becomes your actions.

Voila, evil exist.