Hard to believe that the ones closest to you...
that these are the tactics they use to abuse.
Reality is... that you (I) don't mean much.
That desire for closeness, family.
Is the illusion that we desire, but has us out of touch.
For, my presence...essence...
is only used to get through.
It's my past that's remembered, embittered,
and held on to.
In an effort to enhance the illusion...
Changes are made,
plans are laid, and
sacrifices by the dozens.
Only in the end to realize we've been played.
Which was their plan from the beginning...
even when they said it wasn't.
The years that has passed...
The experiences that went unshared...
The moments that I was cried for...
and was never there.
I wish to rekindle...
I pray to embrace...
I long to relive.
Yet, it's only regret...
day after day that I face.
Time has continued.
And individuals have grown.
I have aged, and yet,
my mistakes live on.
Feelings have changed
love for me has dwindled to a drip.
While my replacements, love for them,
like a raging river, love flows on.
And still, my illusion won't let me quit.
It's all that I have to hold on to.
The dream, the desire, the wish...
to be closer than what I am,
to be truly loved for who I've become,
and not who I was.
To be seen for the man that I am,
and to believe that that is more desirable
than achieving retribution, revenge on
the boy that I was.
That is where my hope lies
and my truth lives.