Let me speak plainly to insure that I am fully understood.
I've noticed that my words and/or actions (at times lack of words/actions)
has been misinterpreted. Thenceforth, I find myself having to explain myself.
First off, in my youth and even to this day, I have made sacrifices and decisions that go unnoticed, unappreciated, and even twisted to be made as something that it wasn't. To those who implore those tactics, more power to you. For I will not, nor attempt to defend myself. I know that God truly knows my heart.
Now when those hard decisions and choices were being made to my own determent and to the benefit of others, I did not complain nor throw it into to the faces of the benefactors. I just kept pushing on and attempted and still attempt to be the best Man that I could be.
In my own admission, I walked away from many seeing that the disrespect and coldness towards me had grown. Instead of defending myself or fighting for what I knew to be my truth, I allowed the talebearers' falsehoods to appear as truth. This, through the years, allowed hurt, broken relationships, disrespect, and distance to fester and grow.
I clearly see the pain that is felt. I even understand the loss that is attributed. However, I also notice that no one has taken the time to come to me and ask me about my truth. Therefore, I believe that conclusions have already been made. Instead of spending ample time explaining all the situations that came to this instance, I choose to move forward and live my life. They can believe what they will and live how they like.
Again, I say,
Only God truly knows my heart.
So, paint me as vile person and others as saints...
See only the negative, nothing positive done...
only the "he ain'ts".
"he doesn't", "he won't", "he doesn't ever come".
Explain others faults as me being the one to blame.
But know this, not once did I ever run.
I would speak my peace, (While being called out of my name)
I would tell my truth. (And still, the lies wouldn't change)
I would make the hard and difficult choices... (So others wouldn't have to)
even if that meant that I wasn't able to do what I wanted to do.
Nor have what I wanted to have.
And regardless of all this...
being easily replaced,
and disrespected to an extreme.
I still love.
I still care.
I'm just going to do my own thing.