My hope

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Castles and dreams,
blessings flowing like streams.
Memories of things... not yet achieved.

My hopes.

Pressures surmount
Passions subdue
Endurance dwindles
Again Lord, I look unto you.

You are my hope.

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     They say that its darkest right before dawn.  Maybe in the natural realm for those that see with their physical eyes, but in the spiritual realm, darkness is sensed, felt way before its arrival.  There's a eerie feeling deep down in the bones.  Emotions begin to wander down dark alleys, deep pits, and venture into a plethora of possibilities in the abyss.  Some mistake this as depression, withdrawal, or maybe even worry.  But, I call it what it is, being under attack.  The darkness is coming.  The imps are stirring.  Plotting against you... plotting against me.  The seeds that they plant are seeds of doubt, seeds of insecurity, jealousy, envy, insignificance, unworthiness, and a overall sense of impending doom.  They are attempting to plague the mind with thoughts of "I can't", "I won't", "it will never", "it's too late", "I'm not smart enough", "I'm not good enough", "I'm not beautiful enough", and any other negative connotation that they can muster.  Their goal is to have you, me... speak what our emotions are having us feel.  At this point, it is important for me to state that "being" and "feeling" are two different things.  Because it is possible to be one thing and to feel another. Our goal is to strive to be the best we can be regardless of how we feel.  So, why is it important then that they have us speak these fears, these negative connotations?  For them, it is vital; for, what we speak we bring into existence.  We trigger a mechanism in the brain to accept what we have just spoke as truth.  Spoken enough we can infest the soul and manipulate belief.  Once belief is manipulated, we can change the countenance of the spirit.  When the spirit is affected and thus becoming infected, we change behavior.  And when behavior is effected in the negative sense, darkness consumes.

     Who and/or what then is our recourse?  Jesus and the wisdom within the Bible.  Jesus is our model to whom we should look to for guidance and instruction.  We should strive to mimic the behaviors that He displayed.  It is in Matthew 4 that we are told that Jesus fasted for 40 days after which He was tempted by the tempter.  It is here, in His weaken state, hungry, tired, and possibly thirsty that He gives us the proper response to temptation or any other lure of the imps.  The adversary, the devil, the greatest imp of all in verse 3 questioned Jesus,
"...If thou be the Son of God,command that these stones be made bread."

Think about that for a moment.  Two things are occurring,
1. Jesus is being questioned about who He is,
And 2. Prove it by providing for Himself.

How does that translate in our day and age? Take the 40 days first as a time of hardship, a time of doing without. Then, being questioned, "if you are a Christian, ask God to deliver you from your troubles".  What would your response be?
 Well, Jesus gives the perfect answer,
"It is written, Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceedeth out of the mouth of God. In His reply He does two things,
1. He reveals His source, the Bible which is the word of God, and His knowledge thereof.
2. That obeying the word is more important than being well fed and illustrates His trust in the Lord to sustain Him regardless of His circumstances. So, what does that tell us?

1.Study His word - make His word our source, our guideline, our light.
And 2. That through studying and applying the teachings therein we will have true life and fulfillment. However, does that mean that we won't further be attacked by the imps? Or become victim to further trials, tribulations and temptation?  Of course not!It's quite the opposite.

Let's take a look at Matthew 4:5-6.

Then the devil taketh him up into the holy city, and setteth him on a pinnacle of the temple,and saith unto him, If thou be the Son of God, cast thyself down: for it is written,He shall give his angels charge concerning thee Ps. 91.11 hands they shall bear thee up,lest at any time thou dash thy foot against a stone. Ps. 91.12

Here again we see that the devil questions Jesus' identity and even goes further to question His knowledge of the word by quoting it. I believe that this is here to show us that the enemy (the tempter, the advesary, the devil or those under his influence) also has knowledge of the word and will try to use it against us.  So, it is vital that we not only know who we are and whose we are, but that we must be diligent in studying the word for ourselves.  For our belief and faith will be tested.  But with proper study and prayer, we too can respond in the manner that Jesus did:

Jesus said unto him, It is written again, Thou shalt not tempt the Lord thy God.
Please note that it is here again that Jesus reveals His reliance on and trust in His source. This is a reoccuring event. In each attack from the devil, Jesus responds with God's word. Not with how He is feeling or what circumstance that He is in.  Nor does He get into a heated debate with the devil.  He simply states what God says.  He stands on His source regardless of what the advesary does or says.

Let's read verse 8 and 9.

Again, the devil taketh him up into an exceeding high mountain, and showeth him all the kingdoms of the world, and the glory of them;and saith unto him, All these things will I give thee, if thou wilt fall down and worship me.


(I will save my commentary.)

Then saith Jesus unto him, Get thee hence, Satan: for it is written,Thou shalt worship the Lord thy God.
Then the devil leaveth him, and, behold, angels came and ministered unto him.
I want to highlight that the devil is always willing to take you somewhere.  But, he can't take you anywhere that the Lord can't keep and protect you.  I also want to note that in verse 8, not only did the devil take Jesus to a mountain top, but he promised to give him all of the kindoms of the world. For what? For Jesus' worship, His soul.  There's always a compromise and what is given always outweighs what is received, atleast with the devil anyway.  Nonetheless, Jesus rebuked him, quoted His source, and stood by and on His convictions, which is His belief and faith in the word of God.  Then in verse 11 the devil flees. His patience and endurance, not only paid off, but spiritually He was strengthened. Not only that, but the Lord sent angels to care for Him. What a beautiful testament.      Now, I can hear you saying, "how does this connect to the darkness? The imps? Reflect on and in my life?" It's about your words, your beliefs, your faith, and your source.

When You Are At Bat

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Don't just stand there! Swing son! Swing!
Strike two!
Eyes on the ball.  You can do it. Focus.
Thuppt!!!
Run son! Run! Keep going, don't stop! Don't stop now!
Safe!

And so goes the story of life.

My Surrendered Life

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Tis the vision of the mission
that make the struggles on hand...
palpable,  malleable...hopeful.
Even when things don't go as planned.

The pain is intense
So it's strength that is gained.
The journey continues
although the movement is done slowly...strained.

But, movement is done... pressing on.

Desires fill the dimensions of the mind.
Searching for the illusion of contentment...
that the heart fails to find.
Difficult to not rest in a world of resentment...
when the soul is plagued by bitterness
for the goals not achieved yet.

And still, I continue... full of hope.

In my mind, I can hear my soul as it cries.
My spirit puts for the effort...
daily a plethora of tries.
Closer than what I was, but still such a long way to go.
Constantly reminded of where I came from.
Deviating my attention, looking back, while I journey down the road.

Yet, somehow... it's hope that soothes my soul.

Precious melody... life, love, giving...
don't allow jealousy... to interrupt your flow.
Envy, malice, regret, vengeance...
all viruses whose intent is to infect, make you less than whole.
Let us not forget... strife...
the thief of peace in your life.
Of that, and those, learn to let go.

Basically, in the midst of it all...
Where all my dreams, desires, and aspirations lie...
Be it if I fall or soar...
live a life of fulfillment or embittered die.
I give it all to you, Lord
My surrendered life.


~Flowriter

Simply...

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                       I love you.
Enough to not bend your will to mine.
To allow you to be you and still be fine.
                       I love you.

Regardless of your size or wandering eyes,
perspectives, flaws, or political ties...
Sexual orientation or secrets that you kept under the guise...
of little white lies.
                      I love you.

Even when the resentment that you contain
overwhelms your being and spews forth on me pain.
When the tone of your voice makes it clear
that I am your last, but first Never again, choice.
                      I love you.

However, it is important for you to know...
                That I love me too.

I won't infringe on your happiness, nor treat you cruel.
I won't wish ill will upon you, nor talk down to you like a fool.
I will completely accept you... for you.
                      Love you?  I do.

Enough to let you go.
Enough to let you in.
Enough to not be spiteful when a new life you begin...
without me.

See, I love you...

And the same way that I love you...

                                              I love me too.


~Flowriter

Irreplaceable

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Tender heart...where do I start?
Where you began? San Diego, in a west coast land?
Georgia? Where you became betrayed and corrupt?
Pace? Where you were revitalized?
Or is it that you are still deep in my soul and I've given up?

At times, I can hear you call, giving my body chills.
Like a cold breeze travelling through the North Carolina foot hills.
I reminisce on what was, gaze fixated as if staring at a still...

of you in your youth.
of you in your prime.
of you at your peak.

Even the thought of mentioning your name, renders me weak.
Therefore, your name I dare not speak.
I simply call you... tender heart.

Your presence and your absence are both scary.
I recall toiling with the notion of marriage,
a marriage of bliss, a marriage of endless romantic interludes...
not a marriage of this... emptiness.
Marry nothingness,
Marry bitterness,
Marry loneliness,
Marry??? No one for Chris.

Tender heart, where have you gone?
I had loved the way your tender beating would echo in the depths of my soul.
Warming my spirit, that is until the beating mellowed.
Only to be replaced by a screeching of doubt, insecurity ran amuck, and the love...
possibly ran out.

Then again, has it really?
For; I still search and yearn for you.



~Flowriter

One More Step

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Exposed, no longer clothed...
in the unrighteousness of sin.
Left bare, there's a chill in the air...
as my walk with the Lord begins.
Friends, family, associates unaware...
of the change that has taken place.
Not knowing where this journey will end...
each step is a step taken in faith.
Stumbles occur, mountains are high, and in the valleys...tears are sown.
Future is unknown, but... I can't go back to the life that I've known.
I've come too far to turn back. I've grown.
Like sperm trying to return to the nutsack, or...
a baby asking for its umbilical cord back
Regression is not an option.
Although too often...it's attempted by many.

Every move,thought, and action now is preceded by prayer.
Still far from perfect, but His Holy Spirit is there.
Guiding, leading, whispering in my ear.
When I adhere to His commands, I move in boldness.
When I don't...fleshly desires, sin transpires, and I give birth to fear.
The adversary appears.
Corrupting my mind, implanting insecurity and doubt.
Crushing my spirit with depression...
trying to make me check out.
Yet, something inside doesn't allow me to give in.
Though I stumble, I do not crumble...
Enabled by His Grace and Mercy, that battle I win
Newly clothed in His righteousness, picked up by His love...
I take another step in my journey, this time stronger, I begin.

~Flowriter

Acrolistic Flow

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First, relax. Breathe. Calm your spirit and mind. Okay? Let's go...

Holding
On
Patiently
Everyday
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Fantasizing
About
Love
Life
Success
*
Dreaming
Endlessly
About a
Different way.
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Wheres
Hows
Effortless
Nows
*
Doom
Removed
Endured
Another
Milestone
Somehow
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Facing
Another
Intricate
Level
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Thrusted
Onward
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Ever
Xing
Into
Something
Topical
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                Met, engaged, conquered...time to face another devil.
                                  All things are possible with God. So, dream big.

There's No Place Like Home

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Mystic hollow forgotten tomorrow
tell me of the days of yourn,
dreaded sorrow from love that was borrowed,
clothe me in the pleasure that you adorn.

Oh peace, your solace escapes me...
As worry, your presence rapes me...
Continually taking and reliving the heartbreaking
of what once was but is no more.

I speak of love, a far cry from sex.
Ineffable to the carnal mind who looks for the answer in the flesh.
Unable to attain that goal, is left perplexed.
How to be mentally intertwined, emotionally combined, and to...
spiritually connect.

A man of a different sort,
one who is sullen and distraught would befriend death.
However, I exhale the wisdom of this world,
place my hope in my God, and commune with His life giving spirit.
Of whom I depend on for my next and every breath.

I'm done with the shadows of silhouettes
and silhouettes of shadows. Misrepresentations of
something that is rot. I truly now understand what I seek,
these earthly vessels have not.
It's what is inside the shell that keeps my attention caught.

Intrinsic in nature, altruistic behavior
Simply put, it is the God inside.
Pulling at  my heart, captivating my mind, awakening my spirit...
Making me desire for our souls to combine.
For that is a place, a feeling, a warmth... that I know.
It's been so long since I've had it, I've searched all over for it,
and I long to be reunited with it. I'm just so ready to go home.

And leave this...

Mystic hollow with all its forgotten tomorrows
and all of its daydreams of the days of old.

~Flowriter

Experience

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Experience.
This is the way that the past influences our present.
It molds and shapes who we are, but does not limit us on who we can become.
For, it is in the present that we can choose to disregard our experience and try something new.
The only objection to this bold stepping out is fear.
Fear, simply put is not knowing the outcome.
Once we move past fear we make room for boldness.
Boldness is taking action in spite of the outcome.
And this gives birth to belief.
It is in our boldness, regardless of our experience, in spite of our fears, that we began to believe that we can become more than what we were and are not subject to stay what and where we are.
This is where hope lives.  Do not confuse hope with wish.  For a wish simply sparks a desire that is wanted. Whereas, hope is more than just a spark. It is the fuel that propels us to a desired goal and the catalysts that has us accomplish dream after dream.
For without hope, there is no dream.
Where there is no dream, boldness can not exists.
Boldness will not exists if there is no belief.
And where there is no belief, there is only fear.
Fear will limit our experience.
Where our experience is limited, there will be no growth.
Where there is no growth, there is only death.
Therefore, let us experience everything that life has set before us with boldness.
Annihilating every fear, doubt, naysayer, and opposition that dares to come against us.
This is truly living.
At least in my experience.

~Flowriter.

Intercessory Prayer

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Protect him.
Keep him.
Guide and lead his steps.
Impart your knowledge & wisdom upon him.
May your mercy and grace abound about him.
Lord, protect his precious breaths.
Allow your favor to flow,
And your blessings to overwhelm him.
Let your love be felt in and through him.
Keep him from those who don't wish him well.
Release your angels to guard over him.
Protect him from all hurt, harm, danger, and jail.
Open doors that he didn't know exists.
Show him the power of your favor
And how your love and plan for him will forever persist.
Please Lord, help my son, for he was Your child way before he was mine.
I intercede for him, in Jesus Christ name, renew his perspective, soul, spirit,  and mind.
Amen.


~Flowriter