My Surrendered Life

.
.
.
Tis the vision of the mission
that make the struggles on hand...
palpable,  malleable...hopeful.
Even when things don't go as planned.

The pain is intense
So it's strength that is gained.
The journey continues
although the movement is done slowly...strained.

But, movement is done... pressing on.

Desires fill the dimensions of the mind.
Searching for the illusion of contentment...
that the heart fails to find.
Difficult to not rest in a world of resentment...
when the soul is plagued by bitterness
for the goals not achieved yet.

And still, I continue... full of hope.

In my mind, I can hear my soul as it cries.
My spirit puts for the effort...
daily a plethora of tries.
Closer than what I was, but still such a long way to go.
Constantly reminded of where I came from.
Deviating my attention, looking back, while I journey down the road.

Yet, somehow... it's hope that soothes my soul.

Precious melody... life, love, giving...
don't allow jealousy... to interrupt your flow.
Envy, malice, regret, vengeance...
all viruses whose intent is to infect, make you less than whole.
Let us not forget... strife...
the thief of peace in your life.
Of that, and those, learn to let go.

Basically, in the midst of it all...
Where all my dreams, desires, and aspirations lie...
Be it if I fall or soar...
live a life of fulfillment or embittered die.
I give it all to you, Lord
My surrendered life.


~Flowriter

Simply...

.
.
.
                       I love you.
Enough to not bend your will to mine.
To allow you to be you and still be fine.
                       I love you.

Regardless of your size or wandering eyes,
perspectives, flaws, or political ties...
Sexual orientation or secrets that you kept under the guise...
of little white lies.
                      I love you.

Even when the resentment that you contain
overwhelms your being and spews forth on me pain.
When the tone of your voice makes it clear
that I am your last, but first Never again, choice.
                      I love you.

However, it is important for you to know...
                That I love me too.

I won't infringe on your happiness, nor treat you cruel.
I won't wish ill will upon you, nor talk down to you like a fool.
I will completely accept you... for you.
                      Love you?  I do.

Enough to let you go.
Enough to let you in.
Enough to not be spiteful when a new life you begin...
without me.

See, I love you...

And the same way that I love you...

                                              I love me too.


~Flowriter

Irreplaceable

.
.
.
Tender heart...where do I start?
Where you began? San Diego, in a west coast land?
Georgia? Where you became betrayed and corrupt?
Pace? Where you were revitalized?
Or is it that you are still deep in my soul and I've given up?

At times, I can hear you call, giving my body chills.
Like a cold breeze travelling through the North Carolina foot hills.
I reminisce on what was, gaze fixated as if staring at a still...

of you in your youth.
of you in your prime.
of you at your peak.

Even the thought of mentioning your name, renders me weak.
Therefore, your name I dare not speak.
I simply call you... tender heart.

Your presence and your absence are both scary.
I recall toiling with the notion of marriage,
a marriage of bliss, a marriage of endless romantic interludes...
not a marriage of this... emptiness.
Marry nothingness,
Marry bitterness,
Marry loneliness,
Marry??? No one for Chris.

Tender heart, where have you gone?
I had loved the way your tender beating would echo in the depths of my soul.
Warming my spirit, that is until the beating mellowed.
Only to be replaced by a screeching of doubt, insecurity ran amuck, and the love...
possibly ran out.

Then again, has it really?
For; I still search and yearn for you.



~Flowriter

One More Step

.
.
.
Exposed, no longer clothed...
in the unrighteousness of sin.
Left bare, there's a chill in the air...
as my walk with the Lord begins.
Friends, family, associates unaware...
of the change that has taken place.
Not knowing where this journey will end...
each step is a step taken in faith.
Stumbles occur, mountains are high, and in the valleys...tears are sown.
Future is unknown, but... I can't go back to the life that I've known.
I've come too far to turn back. I've grown.
Like sperm trying to return to the nutsack, or...
a baby asking for its umbilical cord back
Regression is not an option.
Although too often...it's attempted by many.

Every move,thought, and action now is preceded by prayer.
Still far from perfect, but His Holy Spirit is there.
Guiding, leading, whispering in my ear.
When I adhere to His commands, I move in boldness.
When I don't...fleshly desires, sin transpires, and I give birth to fear.
The adversary appears.
Corrupting my mind, implanting insecurity and doubt.
Crushing my spirit with depression...
trying to make me check out.
Yet, something inside doesn't allow me to give in.
Though I stumble, I do not crumble...
Enabled by His Grace and Mercy, that battle I win
Newly clothed in His righteousness, picked up by His love...
I take another step in my journey, this time stronger, I begin.

~Flowriter

Acrolistic Flow

.
.
.
First, relax. Breathe. Calm your spirit and mind. Okay? Let's go...

Holding
On
Patiently
Everyday
*
Fantasizing
About
Love
Life
Success
*
Dreaming
Endlessly
About a
Different way.
*
Wheres
Hows
Effortless
Nows
*
Doom
Removed
Endured
Another
Milestone
Somehow
*
Facing
Another
Intricate
Level
*
Thrusted
Onward
*
Ever
Xing
Into
Something
Topical
*
                Met, engaged, conquered...time to face another devil.
                                  All things are possible with God. So, dream big.

There's No Place Like Home

.
.
Mystic hollow forgotten tomorrow
tell me of the days of yourn,
dreaded sorrow from love that was borrowed,
clothe me in the pleasure that you adorn.

Oh peace, your solace escapes me...
As worry, your presence rapes me...
Continually taking and reliving the heartbreaking
of what once was but is no more.

I speak of love, a far cry from sex.
Ineffable to the carnal mind who looks for the answer in the flesh.
Unable to attain that goal, is left perplexed.
How to be mentally intertwined, emotionally combined, and to...
spiritually connect.

A man of a different sort,
one who is sullen and distraught would befriend death.
However, I exhale the wisdom of this world,
place my hope in my God, and commune with His life giving spirit.
Of whom I depend on for my next and every breath.

I'm done with the shadows of silhouettes
and silhouettes of shadows. Misrepresentations of
something that is rot. I truly now understand what I seek,
these earthly vessels have not.
It's what is inside the shell that keeps my attention caught.

Intrinsic in nature, altruistic behavior
Simply put, it is the God inside.
Pulling at  my heart, captivating my mind, awakening my spirit...
Making me desire for our souls to combine.
For that is a place, a feeling, a warmth... that I know.
It's been so long since I've had it, I've searched all over for it,
and I long to be reunited with it. I'm just so ready to go home.

And leave this...

Mystic hollow with all its forgotten tomorrows
and all of its daydreams of the days of old.

~Flowriter

Experience

.
.
.
Experience.
This is the way that the past influences our present.
It molds and shapes who we are, but does not limit us on who we can become.
For, it is in the present that we can choose to disregard our experience and try something new.
The only objection to this bold stepping out is fear.
Fear, simply put is not knowing the outcome.
Once we move past fear we make room for boldness.
Boldness is taking action in spite of the outcome.
And this gives birth to belief.
It is in our boldness, regardless of our experience, in spite of our fears, that we began to believe that we can become more than what we were and are not subject to stay what and where we are.
This is where hope lives.  Do not confuse hope with wish.  For a wish simply sparks a desire that is wanted. Whereas, hope is more than just a spark. It is the fuel that propels us to a desired goal and the catalysts that has us accomplish dream after dream.
For without hope, there is no dream.
Where there is no dream, boldness can not exists.
Boldness will not exists if there is no belief.
And where there is no belief, there is only fear.
Fear will limit our experience.
Where our experience is limited, there will be no growth.
Where there is no growth, there is only death.
Therefore, let us experience everything that life has set before us with boldness.
Annihilating every fear, doubt, naysayer, and opposition that dares to come against us.
This is truly living.
At least in my experience.

~Flowriter.