Docile

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Oh how I loathe the word.
Join with it compliant, submissive, and most definitely weak.
Anytime I feel one of them coming on, rage rears in me.

Rage, because of the broken spirits,
the taken lives, the destroyed families,
the backs full of stripes, the children molested,
the mothers raped, and fathers beaten and hung...
Rage, because of the laws of this place.

Rage, waiting for God's vengeance to be done.

Docile. I say it with distaste in my mouth.

Oh the evil that men do. Am I not a man too?

So many hopes have been bought...
with the illusion of assimilation or so thought.
Still only to remain a single grain...
with no hope of ever becoming a beach.
Extend your reach! Refuse to be...

Docile.

Comfortable, complacent, or for that matter, at ease.
Rise to where you belong. Don't allow "the word" to silence your need.
Misconstrued, manipulated, and dictated to tell you what to believe.
Read, learn, and then move... for yourself.
Desire nothing less to become a King or Queen!

Go along to get along and become a victim of all that is wrong.
Trust me, I know, for this ranting that I am doing is because...
I've been docile for so long.

~Flowriter.

He's Trying to Kill Me

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Ooo wee!!!
He's trying to kill me.

He's fought my heart.
He's fought my mind.
He floods my conscious... with thoughts other than divine.
He uses his dominions...
Imps of all kinds.

Spiritual demons, invisible to the eye,
But it's the soul that they wish to touch.
It's not by my strength that I'm lifted.
It's the Lord that keeps me up.
Up in this fight against the devil and his evil steed.
Chasing my perseverance,
causing my soul to bleed.

Bleed... lyrics of pain,
lyrics of love,
poetical prose,
and all the other depressive adjectives that you can think of.

For a writer.

Yet, here I am.
Here I stand.
Descendant of Ishmael, Isaac...a seed of Abraham.
Al-hamdu lillahi rabbil 'alamin.
It's by the blood of Jesus the Christ that I am kept clean.

Yet, the fight continues.
Each blow he throws he thinks is the coup de grâce.
But, the Lord abounds me, His angels surround me.
With His righteous right hand He lifts me.
Masha Allah!
I praise Him with hands uplifted... I stand.
Muslim... Christian?
He tries to divide me.
Child of God is what I am.

The battle is so difficult, you see,
because he knows too.
He's done peeked into my future,
trying to affect my present,
because in the past the Lord has pulled me through.

Whoooo.

He's trying to kill me.

But you see, that gives me hope.
That means I'm a threat.
That means my life has a purpose.
And that God isn't done with me yet.
There isn't anything that He wtrould allow me to endure...
that He won't enable me to go through.
I know it feels like an ongoing battle, but Jesus already won the fight.
Claiming the victory is the only thing that I have to do.
So, in hell, there's a gnashing and grinding of teeth.
A plethora of jinns, failures, because their mission couldn't be complete.
Their mission to steal my inheritance
And render my soul to eternal sleep.

That's why...

He's trying to kill me.


~Flowriter

Who Understands?

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Going home to a barren house.
Eating alone... not hearing a sound.
Laying down... no one else around.
No one to hold or to console.
Truly alone.
Days go by, not even a ring from the phone.

Who understands?

Only conversations are those between God and I.
Daily outings...
Going to the porch to look at the sky.
Puff on my cigar...
watch the planes go by.

Who understands?

The way the mind wanders.
Torturing the spirit with the past...
Making movement in the present stagnant...
The future is a dream that's continually thought.
Purpose in life... filled with "I aught".
And still, nothing is done.
The once free flowing stream of life...
Has become dammed on both ends.
Causing the ambitious spirit to be a breeding ground
for all that is unhealthy, especially sin.

Who understands?

The lowering of the guard.
Giving away what's been held dear.
Love.  Time. Heart.
To easily being thrown away and ignored.
And what was cherished... simply disappears.

Who understands?

Crying out to the Lord...
And Him, hearing your cry.
Even though, everything seems bleak...
A feeling of overwhelming peace soothes you inside.
His love, not only covers you, it fills you.
Giving you strength from within.
The loneliness, heartache, and fear...
all fade away as His spirit moves in you.
His will and plan, through His promises, becomes clear.
A boldness overtakes you...
You claim victory in your turmoil.
Victory in your strife.
Victory in your relationships.
Victory in your life.
Victory over your mind.
A realization that the struggle is your testimony.
A testimony for the divine.

Who understands?

Jesus does.


~Flowriter

The Cycle

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Have you seen? Do you know?
How the depths of love can torture so.
Leaving trails of wetness,
more than on the face,
but deep down to the soul.
The giving of the heart only for trust to be aloof.
Disappear with cold callous words, stern looks,
and poof...
It's gone.
Leaving reminiscent memories of what was
And dreams of what could be
Yet, afraid of the pain...
If things don't work out correctly.
Making love and unattainable dream.

For, to attain it, you must let down your guard
Give it unconditionally,
even though your heart bares scars.
Look past the short comings,
endure intentional pain,
regardless of how hard... time and time again.

Why? You say.
For the pain of having it
is better than the pain of its decay.
Rotting away at your heart,
corrupting your mind,
breaking down your spirit.
To save yourself you pray to the divine.

Hoping for a change.
Hoping for a start.
Hoping for a rekindling,
restoration of a once live dying heart.

Truth of the matter is...
Trust is the for runner
And is where everything begins.
Once it has been broken,
Passionate lovers wither into distant friends...
Then, even that ends.

And only the pain remains.

It burrows deep, deep into your mind.
In crevices that you didn't know exists.
Until that day, someone comes your way
promising love, passion, loyalty, and eternal friendship.
It rears its ugly head while shaking its defiant fists.

Not again.



~Flowriter.

something to ponder

Now I lay me down to sleep

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Morbidly dark the heart begins to spark
Providing the brain with the nutrients to sustain
the pain of memory.

Making me lost in what was.
Having me hoping for what can be.
Plaguing my mind in the what ifs mystery.

Steps taken are so cautiously made
Decisions overwhelm, therefore stagnant, I became.
Or should I say become?
For movement forward doesn't happen.
Because it is to the past that I run.

To and from.

Attempting to save my life.
Only to lose my soul.
Wanting to share my essence.
Completing my personage, making me whole.
An unattainable goal.

When there is no trust.
When I'm lacking faith.
Asking God for guidance,
only for me to stray.

The battlefield is truly in my mind.

Yet, evil does lurk.
Watching and waiting for the right time to pounce.
All residents of righteousness, they attempt to remove
from my bodily house.
Dark spirits corrupting my thoughts
Having me question myself
Filling my mind with doubt.
Telling me to "kill yourself"
As if there is no other way out.

But that... I know is a lie.

Hope keeps me alive.
Waiting for His promises to manifest.
Day by day I strive.
Thinking this is the day I will encounter the Lord's best.
Only to experience another failed test.

Not by Him, but by me.

For I follow the flesh
When it should be the spirit leading me.
I've embraced the world
comparing myself to its success stories.

Which, at times, can be God's failures.

My due diligence is gone.
Making it difficult to purposely perform.
My focus is wrong.
Too much time spent straying and alone.
I remember...
I knew who I was when I made His Word my home.

Time to return to the basics.

I pray to the Lord my soul to keep.

~Flowriter

'Tween

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Tis a way to explain...
the life I gain... and the existence I've been left to explore.
Until that glorious day when only peace remains...
or should I say... I exist no more.

'Tween...

Heaven and hell.
Spirit and flesh.
Good and evil.
Wealth and impoverished.

Make sense of the ineffable.
Life lived to dream.
Only to realize the knowledge I've gained...
taught me... I know nothing.

Grasping for truth...
only to hold on to lies.
Searching for love,
but taught to despise.

A mere gander at the world shows that I am not alone.
Many are oblivious... or...
simply refuse to acknowledge what life has shown.
By examples of extreme.

'Tween...

Foolish and wise.
Mortals and God.
Powerful and weak.
Easy and hard.

Puppets on strings...
Living lives that are a façade.
Meaningless goals set by humans...
When the true game is between the devil and God.

For...
You and I.

Yet, we dare not expand our minds.
Instead we waste our time...
Acquiring things, believing that they, or a person,
will bring meaning to life.

When the true meaning of life is... the journey.
The paths and the choices,
the existence...

'tween.

~Flowriter

Might be older, but....

Don't get it twisted!

You Gotta Fight!

For Everything!

Joy comes in the morning?

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Pain greeted me, "Good evening".

Attacked on every side.
The emotional turmoil is so much to take.
Wanting peace to reside,
but the unstable nature is causing my heart to break.

What to do? Who to turn to?
I asked for this empathic nature.
I had no idea that it could be so cruel.

I cry unto God, not a face full of tears,
just prayerful words asking to be restored,
empowered, and meaning for the rest of my years.

His silence is deadly. Yet, the worlds comments overwhelm.
Their judgements plague me... and my mind...
Reminds me of how I fail.

Failed in my dreams.
Failed in my faith.
Failed in my family.
Failed in my love.
Oh from the reminders of my mind, there is no escape!

Yet, here I am. I still remain to be.
Filled with hope. Hope for what?

Purpose.
Passion.
Peace.
Hope to accomplish my dreams.

Beaten and battered, shaken and torn.
Self-esteem crushed. Spirit nearly gone.
I know it's only by Gods grace that I'm able to move on.

Move on to what?  And then, become who?
I've been attacked on every side for so long,
I don't know what to look forward to.

Well, it says joy comes in the morning.




~Flowriter

Please don't be in vain

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Following my nature lead me away from you.
Yet, denying all that I desire, draws me closer too.
When ignoring my feelings and logic, my spirit grew.
Now, here I am...
Waiting...
Anticipating...
Hoping...
Praying...
That Jeremiah 29:11 is true.

~Flowriter

There's a Thin Line.

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Passion unbridled, truth foreknew and ignored
Pain ensued, attitudes change, uncomfortable work environment explored.
The soul jeopardized, because of neglecting the Lord.
Know the way, but strayed from the path, all due to the attempt to score.
Temptation manifested.
Pleasure digested.
Then, only to return for more.

Forgive me, Lord.

No fingers to point, no one to blame.
Simply my indulgence, the cause of my pain.
As it is written in James,
"..each person is tempted when he is drawn away
and enticed by his own evil desires".
The adversary giggles from his planted seed of death
then elevates the fires. Death, his ultimate move.
James concludes,
"Then after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin,
and when sin is fully grown, it gives birth to death".
I pray, dear Lord, that its not too late, and I still have some life left.

Oh Lord, I repent.

I see now diligence is needed.
Matter of fact, I was forewarned.
1 Peter 5 verse 8,
"Be serious! Be alert! Your adversary the devil is prowling
around like a roaring lion, looking for anyone he can devour".
I am to stand on guard... day by day, minute by minute, and hour by hour.
How do I stand? Even for this, the Lord has a plan.
Ephesians 6:11-13,
"Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil.
For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers,
against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.
Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day,
and having done all, to stand."
I know the verses, but now it's time to implement.
But before I take another step forward...

Dear God, forgive me for my sins. In Jesus Christ' name, Lord, I repent.

~Flowriter.

Fresh Meat!

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I have a desire that can ignite a fire into a blaze of poetical flames.
It's not the lines or the rhymes that has my attention
nor is it the paper on the table or the pens position.

It's a hunger that I have inside.

I'm not proud to admit
That I have a need for it
My soul maybe strong,
but my flesh is weak.

I need
I want
I desire

FRESH MEAT!

And right now nothing else will do.

I want to hunt it,
capture it,
and kill it, too.

I can see...

ink stains on my hands,
ink blots on my pants,
tears of blood trail down my face,
and in my mouth there's a taste....like flesh baby!

I sense another poet lurking in the woods...
got talent, writing ability good...
gotta a style that's unique

I'm ready to pounce...

FRESH MEAT!

Here comes the ink...

ink stains on my hands,
ink blots on my pants
another poet down...met his fate,
and in my mouth, there's a taste...like flesh baby!

~Flowriter

Remember?

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Remember?

It was back in December,

Could've been November,

either way it goes

it was in the dead of winter.

We were out in the back, close to the barn.

Me shoveling snow

And you playing with your imaginary friend Tom

I had done cleared a pathway

And started bailing the hay

Y'all were playing in the mud,

what you thought was mud,

Supposedly baking a cake.

Remember that day?

I had to clean you up,

you were smelling like pure pig shit.

I told you that wasn't mud,

But you wouldn't listen,

And you knew Ma would have a fit.

So, I sprayed you with the hose,

snuck you in the house and changed your clothes.

Actin' like nothin' ever happen while steadily hearin' you yappin'

about how I forgot to clean Tom's toes.

So, I told you Tom had on shoes.

'Member that?

'Member, how when Pa came home

He was all upset and mad

Talkin' about how them city folk done moved into town

And was stealin' the little bit of business he had.

'Member that same night, he found out that a pig got loose

and it was killed by some wild animal

And you said you had nuttin' to do wit' it, but we know the truth.

Since you and dem my 'sponsibility, I got the blame for that

And I got your whoopin' too.

I was mad at you for a long time for that

Pa never let me live that down, said I wasn't 'sponsible 'bout nuttin'

Even wouldn't talk to me for awhile.

If you recognize, after that, he started calling you his favorite child.


But now, as I look back.

I'd do it all again,

cus' you my lil sis and I love you

You brought me a hell lot headaches and butt pains,

followin' me everywhere, you da ball and I da chain.

But if it meant,not being back at this old barn,

standing in the place where you played,

I'd do it all again,but this time, some changes gon’ be made,

Me, You, and Tom gon' play.

I ain’t shoveling no snow or bailin’ no hay.

But I guess now since you dead

and we spread your ashes in the wind,

I just gotta settle for you…

being my imaginary friend.

Miss ya baby girl.

~Flowriter

It's only a workout

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It's a struggle.
Pressing on when you are getting pressed on.
Trying to make it through, while being put through.
So much drama.
Folks acting, while you're being real.
Taking advantage of your sincerity...
As an opportunity to steal...
Your joy, your goals, your happiness, your heart...
All the things that make you...you, they rip apart.

I know that it seems grim.
Yet, I refuse to be depressed.
You see, I have HIM.
And HE see's it all.
That which was planned for my demise.
HE uses for my victory, not my fall.
Therefore, I still rise...
In the mist of it all.

I don't even seek vengance or try to defend myself.
You see, my GOD see's it all.
And when times get hard, HE reassures me with HIS help.

HE is my personal trainer/spotter while a train in the gym of life.
HE adds more weight to my situation, so that I can become stronger.
Has me running through hurdles to improve my endurance...
So that I can LAST longer.
And when I think that it is too much for me to take...
HE reaches down and picks up some of the weight.
Puts me in a room to myself, turns up the heat, and yes, it gets hot.
But HE does this so that my muscles can rejuvinate.
Then, it's back to training...my job, is to give it all I got.

So, even though it's a struggle, and at times it may seem hard.
I know that weight is just being added to the bar.

And when people are mean, cold, callous, and taking advantage of me.
I know that I'm being placed in my own little room and HE's...
just turning up the heat.

There will be a time...
That I'll look back... on who I used to be,
That old me... Out of shape, tired, and depressed.
The one that folks used as a welcome mat.

Yes, I'll have to look back.

Because, that isn't going to be where I'm at.

You see, GOD's working on me.

And HE's working on you too.

Getting us in shape.

~Flowriter

Have Mercy

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Aching heart and dear spiteful mind
Charmed by hope and hope hopefully blind
Wishing for, dreaming of, aspiring to attain
that which can't be grasped due to its thorns
and immeasurable pain
Is there one that will love me?
In spite of all my flaws
Unconditionally so... keep my heart in awe.
Just a trick of the mind
Truth revealed in time
Death is the only thing that is sure
The only thing that I can claim as mine.
Mysteries of the unknown
and the powers that be
To the God that created it all
what is the purpose that you have set forth for me?
Simple pain and a memory full of regrets
Misery and sorrow, a life of emptiness and complexities
glimpses of joy stolen and death to be cherished?

I wonder.

And what is this desire you have placed in my heart?
Desiring to do your will...
grow closer to you...
altruistic behavior...
and yet,created in flesh
and placed in a world where the opposite is true.

To desire love so much
only to be appeased by the deceiving nature of lust.
Living a life of honesty in a world of lies
where the deceivers prosper and the wicked are the ones they trust.
It's an oxymoron of sorts
To move in the spirit, but live in the flesh.
To be seen as an outcast when I'm giving you my best.

I wonder.

However, another day I'm alive,
so unto I submit my will;
for,this must be according to your plan.
I just pray that your will be done...
Have mercy...
Kill the pain, sadness, sorrow, and lonliness
in this man.

~Flowriter.

Congratulations.... S.E.Y

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Shanitah,

What can I give or offer to express how proud I am?
Diamonds, rubies, gold, treasures from a far off land?
None seem to encompass the feelings I hold.
Yet, what I feel can not be bought or sold.
Many have tried to attain it.
Some even abused it.
Some got used to it and its passion grew old.
And still it remains.
Free from the chains.
What is it called?
My heart, my word, my love? It has many names.
And all that it is...
I give it to you.
I ask for nothing in return.
Only that you keep doing what you do.
You... are the spark that was illuminated when I was in the dark.
You... are who was created when two in love embark...
on trip thought to be forever, a journey in bliss together, but only
for the true-ness of life to be revealed. Life is real, not ideal.
You... are the product of joy.
And joy is what you give.
I'm so proud of who you are becoming.
And am amazed by how you chose to live.
So,
what can I give or offer to express how proud I am?
My heart?
That you had from the day you were born before you ever walked on land.
My word?
You are my words in action. Everything I ever dreamed to be. You show me who
I am.
My love?
Planted by God, all according to his plan. For, when I thought that there was
no love to give... You are the reminder of how wrong I am.
And this is my word from the depths of my soul,
I love you with all my heart.
Not for what you have or what you do.
Simply for the soul that you obtain and just being you.

Love,
Daddy

~Flowriter