Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Suicide deferred by a time to murder

I've sat on this couch
I've stared out the window
I've comptemplated my consequences
And I even already begun
Half of the pill bottle is empty
Saving the other half for after I load the gun.

I lived this same existence over and over.
My life seems meaningless
I know... they say it's times like this,
that you should find someone to talk to.
I've talked. I've listened. But now I'm through.
People are still so cruel.

(Pointing the gun at my head)
Right at that moment
Who knew, my life would be saved by the news.
News flash they said,
Young boy, 5th grader,
found hanging in the bathroom dead.
(moving the pistol from my temple to the tip of my nose)
I listened as they said,
This 5th grader committed suicide at school, in the bathroom, they suppose.

Hung himself...
I sat there on the couch and my eyes closed.
I listened to the mothers' cries and comtemplated the reasons why.
Knowing all she did was send him to school.
Hung himself? I turned off the news. I ain't no fool...
I know they're lying! In my mind, I could still hear the mother crying.
It was at that moment I changed my mind.

I closed my blinds.
Got out all my guns.
Comtemplated retribution.
Killing each and every guilty one
It was at that moment the affects of the pills I took begun
My eye lids began to shut,
My head began to fall,
My legs were heavy, and...
I couldn't move my body at all.
I fell to the floor
Thinking I was dying...
But I didn't want to die anymore.
There was a purpose for my life.
There's a reason for me to be.
There was people that I needed to kill
And I kept hoping that I didn't kill me.

(Everything went dark)

After that, everything was dark for a long time.
I guess you can say that I took it there and went much further.
The ironic thing of it all is I went from attempting suicide...
To doing triple life in prison for murder.



LiL-Bittz said...

Flow,,,this was a great write..I admire the creativity, the flow and how this piece was worded..deep with emotion and mixed with a true story..heart felt...I enjoyed

Anonymous said...

This was very deep and moving taking me on a tumultuous ride of profound emotion. The ending was surprising but a great write overall. Have you considered or do you perform spoken word?